Sex and Happiness

couple_in_love_1600_wht_10952We know sex makes us happy (why else would we do it?).

It’s also good for our health, especially for men (honest).

A big piece in the Times today addresses the tricky question of how much sex everyone is having.

Are you getting enough?” seems to be the key question.

The answer seems to be that we’re happy if we’re getting more than our neighbours (same applies to salaries by the way).

Research based on information collected by the General Social Survey between 1936 and 2006 and published by the University of Colorado Boulder; ” Sex and the Pursuit of Happiness: How other  People’s Sex Lives are Related to Our Sense of Well-being”, confirms that everything is relative when it comes to feeling happy about your life.

But back to that nagging question I can hear you asking? What’s “normal” for a couple?

thenormalbarA book, based on a global survey of 100,000 people, The Normal Bar,  describes not just the frequency of sex but other behaviours which make people happy in their relationships.

But getting to the bare essentials, as it were, here are the key facts:

  • only 7% of people surveyed said they had sex every day
  • 28% have sex a handful of times a month
  • 82% once a month
  • 13% rarely have sex
  • 5% never had sex
  • 38% of couples normally have sex three or four times a week.

Having children doesn’t seem to make much difference to frequency. Over-55s have less sex but a third still have it several times a week. Perhaps unsurprisingly 18-24 year olds have the most sex but only 14% have it every day.

The magic number overall is at least 3 times a week or 12 times a month. And there is a clear correlation with happiness.

But is it all about quantity? What about quality? A RELATE therapist quotes the 2-6-2 rule (statisticians among you will recognise a normal distribution here). For every 10 ten times you have sex it will be OK 6 times, fantastic on two occasions and on the other two you’ll wish you hadn’t bothered!

So what about other behaviours that keep couples happy?  Here are some of the findings:

  • Happier couples sleep naked
  • Happier couples have pet names for each other
  • Happier coupled hold hands
  • Happier couples have date nights
  • Happier couples take romantic holidays together

Experts say we shouldn’t be comparing ourselves to Hollywood ideals of  ideal couples as shown in rom-coms as these are unrealistically high standards but neither should we be lowering our expectations or becoming lazy about our relationships.

If you still think you’re not getting enough and want to improve things why not try sexcerial, a gender-based product designed to improve your sex lives.


4 thoughts on “Sex and Happiness

  1. kindadukish says:

    Happier couples sleep naked…………Good God man are you mad, the memsahib would never agree to dangly bits in the bedroom………..horizontal jogging is something that the natives do according to her!

  2. […] company found that despite being less healthy than women, and feeling they don’t get enough sex – men are generally happier than […]

  3. […] more sex. Only way to age-proof your sex-life is to keep having […]

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